I did not write this blog. A guy with the twitter name @8plus9 who runs a blog titled http://www.blackgirlareeasy.com wrote this blog. I thought it was incredibly well written and decided to post it on my blog! Check it out! and check out his blog as well… he’s got some insightful stuff…. – MyCal Knight
The best and worst advice is “you should break up”. If you’re Tina Turner in the 70’s that’s great advice, but if you’re a woman pissed off that her man doesn’t clean up after himself that’s bad advice. It occurred to me that men and women both break up for stupid reasons, we’re a generation of runners who would rather say “fuck this shit” then work through a medium scale problem. We have two people who are perfect for each other behind closed doors, but their friends on the outside looking in only hear the negative. Remember the story of Chicken Little? His bitch ass was shook that the sky was falling. In relationships we have Chicken Little women who call their girlfriends to complain about what their man is not doing right. Your life is not the fucking Mary J. Blige “Not Gon To Cry” video. Every acorn that drops on your head is not cause for drama Chicken Little. He posted on another girl’s wall, he doesn’t listen, he doesn’t call before he goes to bed, blah blah blah. The friend hears this doomsday scenario that “I’m about to leave his ass” every two weeks, so when you ask her advice on what to do, of course she is going to tell you to leave!
Friendships become strained when someone tells you to dump your boo and you take that advice to mean that they’re hating on what you have. In your friend’s mind you’re in a fucked up relationship full of constant drama so why stay. But you don’t want to leave because it’s not as bad as you make it out to be… umm how does anyone know that if they can only base their advice off the negative stories you tell? If you want someone to understand where you’re coming from and be sympathetic as to why you don’t want to break up, try telling them about the good things your baby does for you not just the fucked up things he does to you. I bet your relationship is 80% love and 20% things that irk the hell out of you. When you only talk about that 20% how can anyone give you good advice? You’re making yourself look like a woman who loves abuse when you continuously project a negative image of your boyfriend.
Men operate a little differently; instead of screaming the sky is falling they pretend that they don’t care it’s falling. I’ve heard my niggas say, “Fuck that bitch, I’m doing me” more times than I can remember. Then when I say “Oh you’re back with so and so” I get a crazy look because he never officially broke up with her. Men program themselves to put on this apathetic front around their boys. One minute that’s your baby and the next she’s a freak. You’re making yourself look like a sucker by bad mouthing a girl you’re in love with then running back to her. My solution is that men and women both need to stop running their mouths when their relationships hit a snag. Everyone goes through rough patches, and unless it’s “I fucked someone else” level of seriousness don’t go running to your friends for bias advice and don’t be so quick to walk away.Only you know what your relationship truly is and only you can make the call to stay or leave. There is no such thing as an argument free relationship, where there’s smoke there’s fire and where there’s love there will be pain. If you’re the type of person who can’t be bothered with being called out on their shit or hate putting up with other people’s flaws then you need to buy a fucking cat and lock yourself away from society because you will never find true love. There will come a point where you will be tested, but before you decide to break up think these things over…
The Good Times Vs. The Bad Times: Your girlfriend has held you down for the past four months. She was there when no one else cared. She helped pay your car note when your money was short. She even let you put it in her ass on your birthday. She’s a good woman. Let’s say she had an argument with her mother that put her in a foul mood and for the past week she’s been taking it out on you. She’s hurting but doesn’t want to talk about it, you two begin to argue and she brings up old shit to hurt your feelings. “Ya broke ass… You never make me cum… I could do better” She’s saying mean shit that’s going to make you say even meaner shit. The beef is on. Four months strong, you two were great, but because of moods, attitudes, and lack of communication your relationship looks like it’s about to fall apart. She’s being a bitch and you’re being a jerk. Just break up, right? Grow the fuck up. It doesn’t matter if she was in the wrong first or if you were in the wrong last, both of you need to stop yelling and get over yourselves. Maybe I’ve watched Star Wars too many times but anger brings the evil out of everyone, we do and say shit that we didn’t mean to when we’re hurting… Anakin killed Younglings for Christ sakes, decapitated all those little fuckers, but still he was a good dude at heart. You two are good people, you have an outstanding relationship. If you can calm down, talk it out, and get to the root of the problem I’m sure both of you will realize it’s not that serious. Look at the good times then look at the bad times and see which you had more of. If you’re in love, are you really going to let a few harsh words and empty threats break you up?
I Trust You To Be You: You need trust in order to have a successful relationship. But no one trusts anyone completely we’re a suspicious species to begin with, animal instincts dictate that we smell something before we taste it no matter who made it. Ask your boyfriend if he’s cheating on you and he’s going to say, “no, baby I would never do that”. Do you believe him? For the most part you do, but every time the nigga gets a text after 10pm your mind thinks DANGER OTHER BITCH. You can’t stop paranoia but you can control it. I get so many women asking me if there man is cheating on them because of XYZ. I don’t know, you don’t know, only he knows. He can be going over his homegirl house after work to chit chat or he could be going over there to beat the coochie up. There is no way to tell without seeing his dick go into her vagina, any circumstantial evidence will not hold up in an argument and you will come off looking like a jealous paranoid crazy woman. Fellas, how can you tell if your girlfriend is going to work in the morning or if she’s going over Antonio’s house to get dicked down? You can’t. You found her schedule and she was off on Tuesday, yet you called her and she said she worked on Tuesday. Is she bullshitting you or was it a case of her schedule being wrong? Everybody is capable of cheating but what Hoe level is your boo at? My wife can tell when I’m lying, that means I can’t lie about shit even if I wanted to. Every time I come home late or don’t answer my phone she makes a comment that I was with another girl and to that I say “She’s not my other girl anymore she’s my mistress, show some respect”. It’s a joke, but in her mind she doesn’t put shit past me. It doesn’t affect our relationship, there’s never been an argument about other women, and she doesn’t lose sleep at night wondering what the fuck I’m doing because she’s smart enough to know that you can’t trust anyone to be honest, you can only trust them to be themselves.
The Past Is The Past: Relationships go through periods, and a lot of people hit a point where they broke up previously or they had to forgive their bay for doing something trifling because they were too in love to end it. People, let’s not be Indian (feather not dot) givers when it comes to forgiveness. You broke up with your man because he fucked your ex-homegirl and you took him back. Once you take him back that old shit can’t be used as ammo. If you wife a former video hoefessional who fucked Chris Breezy you can’t get mad every time “Look At Me Now” comes on the radio you accepted the past when you agreed to be with that person. Don’t forget the past, but don’t throw it in that person’s face whenever you feel threatened. I got an email from a woman who fucked her boyfriend’s cousin and he forgave her because he couldn’t live without her. Apparently the shit ate away at him after a few months and he took it out on her until they had to end it for good. If you’re going to give a person a second chance give them a second chance, don’t agree to it unless you can check the baggage at the door. If you know in your heart that what your boyfriend or girlfriend did makes you sick to your stomach, then breaking up is good advice. You’re not a bad person if you don’t have it in your heart to forgive. It’s better to cry your eyes out for months then to continue on with a person you still resent.
Change Gon Come: I’m not going to stop leaving my socks on the floor and I’m not going to start washing dishes—niggas. She’s not going to stop texting during dinner and she’s going to still go to the club even though she has a man at home—bitches. Why are we so stubborn? When you love someone you adapt. It’s not going to happen overnight but you have to be committed to change. If your boss says start coming in to work at 9am not 9:15am or you’re fired, your ass will be there at 8:55am. When your girlfriend says start taking me out more or else, you shrug that bitch off with an okay and don’t do it because “or else” is an empty threat. I know you’re not going to leave me because I spend time out with the fellas every weekend and I’m not going to leave you because you’re a twitter whore. But after awhile those things that you don’t like snowball into bigger issues. Women bitch bitch bitch and Men avoid avoid avoid. The next thing you know you’re not talking because it’s going to be an argument. My boy had a nuclear fallout with his girl because he didn’t clean up their daughter’s toys. Was it the toys or was it what the toys represented? His inability to change into a person who doesn’t have to be told to clean up and take the trash out. There may not be a “Do this or it’s over” scenario when it comes to little things but if you don’t respect the person you’re with enough to change your foul ways then you’re headed for disaster. Someone shouldn’t have to tell you a hundred times what they don’t like before you start to get the picture. A person worth being with = a person worth changing for.
The next time you get into an argument with your boo ask yourself if you’re a Runner or a Fighter? If that person is worth it then don’t break up because of one moody argument, something that happened before you were together, paranoia over cheating, or because you don’t want to compromise. Address your issues like a grown up. You could have stayed single, you wanted to get in the relationship game so man the fuck up and stay in the pocket, take your hits and try your hardest to come out with a win. If your mentality is that it’s easier to replace the fucker rather than deal with the stress then clearly it wasn’t love to begin with, keep looking.